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| Drs. Chris and Carol Green |
We stood before a minister, taking
those sacred wedding vows, but five months later we were beginning to feel like
this was not going to work. Our marriage was in the first stages of
disintegration. No matter how sincerely we were trying to communicate, we could
not connect. Words, phrases and actions said one thing but it meant something
totally different to the other person. We didn’t have the same language because
we didn’t have the same words. We didn’t
even have the same alphabet.
We cannot recall the exact date and
time, but following another one of those frustrating and futile moments of
trying to communicate, we sat down together to try and reach some agreement. We
had to find a way to stay connected with one another. So we made a PACT and it
went something like this: “I choose to believe that no matter
how you say, what you say to me, you are not intentionally trying to hurt me; you meant it for my good.”
Our pact was simply the golden rule
being applied to our relationship. When we made this pact, we had no idea how
significant it was going to be. We just felt a new sense of peace. It was like
we were finally, really married. We had slowly moved beyond the soaring
emotional connections of love and advanced to a solid unconditional acceptance
of one another. We had forged the Golden Rule into our
marriage. We had each said, “I will treat you the way that I want to be
treated. I will trust you the way that I want to be trusted.”
We had a new security. We had tapped
into a secret place from which we could begin learning one another’s alphabet;
and thus begin to piece together words and sentences. Simultaneously, we could build a stronger
connection between us. It was like working on our health while working on an
injury at the same time.
The golden rule has been a huge part
of the foundation of our marriage for more than 35 years and we have also been
teaching it as healing prescription for the couples that we coach. Sometimes our family and friends
comment on our present ability to communicate in a manner that seems almost
telepathic. We can just say one word or give a brief glance across a room and
we are able to conduct an entire conversation in a few seconds.
This new level of communication began
when a couple that had only been married for six months, in a moment of
desperation, made a golden rule choice for their relationship.
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This Article was written by Drs. Chris and Carol Green
Drs. Chris and Carol Green are certified master life coaches who were commissioned as Urban Community Ambassadors and Global Leadership Ambassadors by iChange Nations™. They were also appointed Goodwill Ambassadors of World Peace by Golden Rule International. They founded the Fruitful Life Network and the Urban Life Family Coaching initiative in their city and are international columnist/writers with the Global Journalism Award-winning team of Dr. Clyde Rivers and iChange Nations Social Media News™. They specialize in marriage coaching having written a book about marriage and relationships titled, We Made a PACT, and produced several online marriage enrichment and resiliency courses.
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